Oh my poor heart. ;w;
Watch Psycho-Pass Season 1, episode 8, 16:05 – 16:50 for Yayoi comforting Shimotsuki after they find her friend’s mutilated corpse.
I really feel like this was intentional… that the Shimotsuki and Yayoi’s dymanic was planned from the start. It’s heartbreaking, really??
Like… imagine. You’re sixteen or something, and your friend’s friend goes missing, and while you know it’s immature of you, you feel jealous that your friend keeps going on and on about the missing friend and doesn’t seem to care about you at all. And then you sulkily suggest she go to the one person who turns out to be the murderer for advice, and you feel godawful and guilty and shitty for being petty and for, basically, you feel, being responsible for your friend’s death.
A woman a couple years older than you comes up to you, and offers you kind and gentle words. She offers you a shoulder to cry on. She’s practically a stranger, and you don’t know why she cares, but she does, and instead of telling you to suck it up or to hold it in or treating you like a child, she lets you cry and vent your bewilderment and sadness. You cry in her arms and it feels like nothing will feel right again.
Skip forward a couple of months. Sibyl, for whatever reason, has decided you’re suited for Inspector work at the Bureau. Since that incident you have become a lot more guarded and cynical, and you feel kind of angry at the world, and you value justice and the law above all. You’ve developed a stronger dislike and hatred of latent criminals and other ‘sub’ citizens. You’ve come into contact with the dark underbelly of humanity before, and you know what people can do. What they’re capable of. The thought of your friend’s body, desecrated even in death, flits through you mind.
The woman who offered you comfort long months ago has long since faded from your mind, but now you’re at the Bureau, and you see that, of course, she’s here too — she’s an Enforcer, and that’s why she was at the crime scene back then in the first place. You’ve been placed in the same division as her, and it feels odd, because you’re technically her supervisor now, but really, you’re just a floundering little fledgling on the first day of her job.
When you’re unsure about something and your senpai is unavailable, you find it’s easiest to go to her for clarification. When you first saw each other again on the job, you could see the recognition reflect similarly in her eyes, but she’s remained reserved, polite, and professional, like she’s never seen you bawl your eyes out over your friend’s death, and you’re grateful for that. Kunizuka Yayoi is a kind woman, you know, and while you still greatly mistrust latent criminals in general, you know she has the capacity to love and care, and that she’s someone you can trust.
You don’t know when you start feeling this way, but the general sense of familiarity you feel toward her grows into affection, and then to something more. You find yourself impossibly self-conscious around her, and while it’s ridiculous, your desire for professionalism (ostensibly to impress upon her how much you’re an adult, you think) intensifies whenever she is around. Which is pathetic of you, you know, really, because it means maintaining a professional distance from her, but you can’t even manage that. Your face grows hot whenever her gaze holds your own, and half the time you stammer like a twelve-year-old with a schoolgirl crush (which isn’t that far off from reality, really).
One time, when you feel particularly brave, you try calling her ‘Yayoi-san’, and her name just rolls off your tongue so naturally it feels like it was meant to be. She looks at you and smiles indulgently, and you avert your gaze, but a pleasureable warmth spreads through you anyway as you return her smile. You keep calling her ‘Yayoi-san’ from then onwards.
At nights after work when you return home, you often find yourself in bed staring up at the ceiling, wondering. Why did Sibyl choose for you to be an Inspector and designate Yayoi-san as a latent criminal? She is kind and considerate. She has good work ethic. She’s a good person, and you know this in your heart. You don’t understand Sibyl’s decision, just this once. Yayoi-san is at the Bureau now, and you know it’s nothing more than a glorified prison for an Enforcer. You wonder what she is doing, but comfort yourself with the fact that you will get to see your crush in the morning again. Even if you know nothing can come of it. You turn in your bed, and fall asleep with a heavy heart.
Sometimes you daydream at work even when you shouldn’t, and you think in an ideal world you would still be an Inspector, and Yayoi-san would just be a regular citizen and probably make music. You have an inkling that she used to be a musician when you see her browse guitar catalogues with great interest during breaks. You look at her behind your mug of coffee as you write up your reports for the day, and you do not imagine her strumming a guitar or serenading you with a song on a lazy Sunday afternoon, because then that would make it feel too real.
It’s not easy, but you live with it, because you know nothing can come of it. You’re an Inspector, and she’s an Enforcer.
I’m not really sure why this turned into a second-person POV present-tense drabble. I have this intense need for Triang Relations #4 love triangles, I realise. Same with Bucap. I intensely and deeply feel Kana –> Mihoko (one way, obviously). Same here with Mika –> Yayoi. I THINK IT’S BECAUSE IT SATISFIES BOTH MY NEED FOR HAPPY ENDINGS AND THE EMOTIONAL RESONANCE OF UNREQUITED LOVE. IT’S LIKE ALL I LOOK FOR IN YURI.